I Felt Nauseous Thinking Of Writing This To You!
Have you ever wanted to accomplish something, yet could not get yourself motivated to begin? This past weekend I was struggling with procrastination brought on by overwhelm. I wanted to create a series of automated emails to go out to all the new subscribers of my newsletters, on the topic of dealing with overwhelm. Because I coach people on eliminating procrastination and overwhelm it can be easy to buy into the mythology that I should have it all perfected. Yep, I’m done with that whole being human thing. I’ve ascended above such trifles of mere mortals.
Of course the reality is we are all human dealing with the human condition. One of the things I love about Brene Brown is that despite being a researcher on vulnerability and shame she talks in all her books and Ted Talks about her current issues with vulnerability and shame.
I’m currently in the Somatica Sex and Relationship Coaching program to help me have better tools to share with my clients. Amongst the things that drew me in was when one of the creators of the program shared that “In my years of teaching the program I have developed many tools to deal with triggering and communication in my personal relationships.” and she followed that up with, “And on my best days I even use those tools.
These are two stalwarts in their respective fields speaking of where they fall short on the very things that they teach. I feel inspired by that level of vulnerability in others. That honoring of one's own humanity. And yet I don’t always give myself that same grace. Are there places where you could stand to give yourself more grace and self compassion?
So when I was struggling this weekend with my own overwhelm and procrastination, while I thankfully was not beating myself up for it, I was still frustrated by my lack of forward movement. Frustrated that I have gained so many tools to support myself and others around procrastination and overwhelm, yet I was still feeling stuck.
I entertained thoughts like “Why am I still dealing with this struggle?” and “I should be better than this.” and “How can I claim to support others when I'm not even supporting myself.” Of course the reality is those tools I’ve gained are helping me. Even simply not beating myself up as I would have in the past is a big win.
On top of that, the percentage of time I’m unproductive and the duration of that lack of productivity are far smaller than they used to be. I’m always acquiring new tools and refining the ones I already have. And yet I know there will always be times where I'm not showing up as I would most prefer.
As I was speaking with my own coach today about the desire to trust myself more, I was searching within myself for ways to honor all the progress that I have made. Two thoughts came to mind. One was going back to my habit of keeping a journal where I write down my wins of the day. Whether of what was accomplished that day or just as importantly, what was learned from however the day unfolded. Without that intention of where i place my attention, it is too easy to focus on the negative which impedes noticing and celebrating one's own growth.
The other thought was of writing a newsletter (this newsletter) admitting I still have struggles. While I don't tend to hide that, there was still initially a sickening, nauseated feeling in my gut thinking about posting about where I currently struggle. It took me a moment to be able to share with my coach the thoughts and feelings that came with the idea of sharing my struggles with a larger audience.
Why the nausea? Because we are so often taught that it is a weakness to admit our humanness. A fallibility to acknowledge that we may struggle. Even though I consciously know that is not true, there is still the deep down emotional wiring that says, “You can’t admit you struggle with the very thing you claim to support others around.”
It was specifically because of that feeling that I felt I wanted to write this. To give myself the grace and the freedom to not have to hide who I am. To know that my struggles with overwhelm make me no less able to teach others how to deal with it, than Brene Brown’s personal difficulties with shame and vulnerability make her any less brilliant in supporting others around that topic.
In fact it is through those very personal struggles in all of us that most contribute to the ability to be there for others. Not only does it give us greater empathy, but we learn valuable lessons on our journey we can then share with others.
There is something very freeing about not feeling I have to hide a part of myself. Of being able to say, “I’m not perfect but I am a skilled and experienced coach with a great deal to offer my clients. There is an expansiveness in simply sharing that, both with myself and with you .
How are stories of not enoughness, of not being perfect or or having to hide a part of who you are limiting what you can achieve and holding you from your greatest freedom?
