Sometimes it can really feel like no matter what you do you can’t get over a certain hump or you simply can’t see any possibility for change because it feels too hard or you have no evidence that it is possible.
Recently a part of me was feeling that way as well. As many of you may know, I moved in December and at the same time my mother, the only caregiver or consistent adult family member in my life growing up, somewhat unexpectedly passed away. On top of all that it was the coldest and darkest time of the year.
Being a light and heat focused being, I always have some level of Seasonal Affective Disorder in the darkest months of the year. So all these things combined meant I was just doing what I needed to get by but not much more.
That meant my business as much as it pains me to say it was not my highest priority. In fact I was not even trying to make it so. I kept up with a few clients but that was about it. (My apologies to those of you I did not manage to reach out to.)
I was simply too focused on dealing with my grief and trying to get organized from my move so that everything I wanted to do was not a long exercise in searching for the items I needed. A process that excruciatingly repeated itself many times per day for the first few months.
Thankfully I have a lot of tools in my toolbox and a wonderful support network with friends to hold me as I cried, people to help me process what I was going through and people to help me organize. And I was compassionate with myself.
Yes there were certainly the voices saying, “Come on Gregg, get over it. Other people have loved ones die, other people move and they still go on with life.” But for the most part I recognized that those voices were not serving me. I tried to speak lovingly with those parts. And I tried as much as possible to give myself understanding and grace during that period.
During that time I also shared openly about what I was going through and without expectation requested support. Those are things I’ll be writing more about in the future. For now I’ll simply say, I got a huge number of reflections from those around me about how powerful and nourishing it was for them to see how I showed up. And how much permission it gave them to not have to hide parts of themselves.
At some point though I felt ready to fully reengage with life and with my business. At least I thought so. But then I was dealing with the frustration of feeling like I was ready but being unable to move forward.
There were many days spent just watching videos or napping. In some ways it felt harder than in the height of my grief. Back in December I was exploring ways of expanding my productivity and my outreach.
Now it seemed impossible to even accomplish what I was doing back then, let alone follow through with my self expansion desires. In moments it genuinely felt like it was impossible to even do the bare minimum.
Thankfully I knew as true as it felt, those were just stories my brain was telling me. I truly did not know how I would get back to the level I was at before. but at the same time another part of me knew I did not need to know.
As I started getting back to a sense of normalcy there were the voices saying it’s not fast enough. If I don’t do more right now, i’m going to fail.
It would have been so easy to just self flagellate. To beat myself up or denigrate myself for not showing up in the ways I desired. But doing that would have just made things worse and made me feel horrible about myself.
Thankfully those voices were tempered with the part of me willing to celebrate myself for what I was getting done. To recognize I just went through a rough period and expecting to just jump back in was akin to say being an elite athlete who has taken time off from the sport and then expects to meet or exceed their personal best the day they come back.
So instead I started noticing and appreciating and celebrating each little extra step I made towards my former level of functionality while also celebrating the new things I was doing.
I’m still working my way back. And I still have the voices that say it’s not fast enough. But I’m choosing to focus on where I am succeeding. I’m choosing to notice that I’m already doing some things that I wondered how or if I’d ever be able to do again.
Because a mental frame I keep from a mentor of mine is “We don’t have to know how to get ten steps beyond from where we are at now. All I or you need do is focus on that next step which will give us the vantage point to take the next and from there we can take the next step. So by the time we get to step nine, we have the vision and the knowledge to figure out how to take step ten. I don’t have to worry about knowing before that and neither do you.”
In fact I can be excited and feel safe in the knowledge that I will have the resources to figure it out at that point, even if I have no clue right now.
My point in all this is to say just because something feels impossible today or you don’t know how you’ll do it does not mean you take that as truth and stop moving forward.
This week I was speaking with two clients, both of whom acknowledged they are doing things now that at one point they thought was not possible. In fact now it feels normal.
What are you doing now that at one time seemed impossible. I invite you to notice and celebrate yourself for that.
And what feels impossible now that one day might be a normal, or maybe even an easy part of your life in the future, even if you currently have no idea how you’ll make it happen.
You’ve got this, whatever it is. And if you need support getting there and support on witnessing yourself, reach out. let's explore what that would look like. I’d be honored to help.
Taking my mom kayaking when she came to visit me almost twenty years ago. As I took her exploring around California, I remember being impressed by how much she was able to follow me to off trail places so I could show her amazing nature. It was the last time she visited me though thankfully I got many visits to see her and my brothers in Florida.
"The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Confucius